


Scarred Wrists and Skinny Stomachs

by Lucid_x_Dreamer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Dependency Issues, Depression, Emetophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Keith (Voltron), How Do I Tag, Hunk is a ray of sunshine, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), References to Abuse, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Scars, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Vomiting, but i have to to tag this, cursing, i don't wanna tag this as angst because im sorta self projecting, ill try not to make it too graphic, like it smells like a forest in here, sorry i made keith's dad a dick, still feel meh for tagging as angst, stuff gets better slowly but surely, wow these are negative tags lets make this positive, you might not expect it but, yup there's fluff here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-11-05 15:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucid_x_Dreamer/pseuds/Lucid_x_Dreamer
Summary: There's no denying that they're broken in their own respective ways. Life throws shit at them, but that's okay, because they've got each other. They've got each other, so everything will be okay.They'll be okay.Alternatively:That one high school au that practically screams negativity, until something changes and it all, slowly but surely, gets better.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first of all, I’m sorry for writing this but I needed a change from the fluff I usually write. Also, I’m not always happy and fluffy so I’m lowkey self projecting my negativity in this.  
>     Anyways, very sensitive topics will be addressed in this, and it may trigger some people (using the word seriously)  
> Take caution when reading, but I will say that things will get better as it progresses. Hope it’s alright!  
>     Trigger warnings for this chapter: emetophobia, references to cutting, nausea, eating disorder, references to suicidal thoughts and tendencies, references to abuse, and other negative references. (I will be adding warnings in the notes before each chapter.)

    _Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up--_

Lance hunched over the toilet, clutching his stomach with another hand clamped over his mouth. He was sweating, and he shook as he felt the upset churning in his stomach. The wave of nausea had washed over him suddenly, causing him to interrupt the conversation with his mom in order to rush to the bathroom.

    Lance gagged, clamping his hand over his mouth more tightly, as if it could stop the bile threatening to rise up and out of his throat. What had he eaten that made him sick? He didn’t recall eating anything more than cereal that morning, and thinking about how it would look in the toilet caused Lance to gag again.

    He heard a gentle knocking on the door, and he removed his hand from his mouth temporarily to weakly answer, “Ma?”

    The short woman slowly opened the bathroom door, holding a glass of water in one hand. She promptly squatted beside her son, rubbing soothing circles in his back, offering the water to him.

    Lance let go of his stomach to reach out to the glass when he felt another nauseous wave overcome him, making him quickly crouch over the toilet, a hideous sound coming up from his throat. He heard his mom place the glass of water on the floor and felt her warm hand come up to place over his eyes.

    Another gag and Lance finally emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet, his mom still covering his eyes when she wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed the contents down the toilet.

    “Ma, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it this time,” Lance choked out, his throat sore. He felt gross.

    “Mijo, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. Here, gargle your mouth to get the weird taste out, and drink some water for your throat,” she helped Lance up from the floor, picking up the glass of water to hand to him. Lance took it shakily, leaning over the sink to rinse out his mouth.

    “Do you think you can have a light snack now?” his mom asked, worry evident in the crease of her eyebrows.

    Lance shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. I think I’ll throw up again.”

    His mom nodded in understanding, patting his back gently a few times before exiting the bathroom to give her son some space. As soon as she left, Lance finished gargling his water, turning on the sink to splash his face.

    He looked up, noticing how disheveled and broken he looked. His face was flushed, his hair stuck up awkwardly, and his shirt had crumpled a bit, his shoulder slightly exposed. Lance was a hot mess.

    Lance shut off the faucet and grabbed a towel to pat his face dry. He attempted to comb his hair back down with his fingers, groaning when his efforts were futile. He fixed his shirt and exited the bathroom to enter his room, flopping onto his bed to lay down.

    It was the third time that week he’d thrown up, the previous two being deliberate. Lance had eaten good meals made by his mom, but as soon as he looked at himself in the mirror he felt… off. People always told him he looked skinny, and he couldn’t help it. He also couldn’t help but feel like they were wrong. So he threw up, but seeing his own vomit terrified him, causing him to empty out his stomach completely, throwing up only bile and stomach acid.

    It was horrifying. And Lance always looked horrible afterwards. He hated it. But he couldn’t do anything about it.

    Lance groaned, covering his face as he rolled over onto his side. He peeked through his fingers at his phone lying on his bedside table. As he reached out to grab it, it lit up as if on cue.

    Lance sat up a bit, picking up his phone and checking the notification. He frowned, reading the contact name. Of course, out of all the people who could text him, it just had to be Keith.

 

**Mullet:**

Hey Lance sorry for texting you but I just needed to talk to you

**Me:**

Is it important mullet?

**Mullet:**

I wouldn’t text you if it wasn’t

 

    Lance scoffed, knowing full well Keith was telling the truth. He never texted him unless it was serious, like forgetting what homework they were assigned or if he had a panic attack. Despite their past disagreements and tension, they also just happened to be the only ones who knew of each other’s mental instabilities.

    During their freshman year, Lance had gotten sick during some senior’s party after being offered alcohol, and when he was struggling in the bathroom not to throw up, Keith just so happened to walk in. Lance had cursed at himself for not remembering to lock the door, but was shocked when Keith promptly crouched next to him for emotional support. Lance was able to throw up, quickly recoiling from the toilet in order to avoid looking at his vomit. Keith flushed the toilet for him and offered to walk him home. He did, and never asked him any questions.

    At first, Lance didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of his self-proclaimed rival witnessing his moment of weakness, but as time progressed, he and Keith were able to talk and learn more about each other, bonding over their mutual feelings for their hatred of life. Keith wasn’t the first person Lance would’ve thought of when it came to empathy and being relatable. But, he was better to have around than worrying their other friends, who were too nice and positive for their own good (although Pidge was a special case with her snarky remarks and sarcasm).

 

**Me:**

Alright so what is it this time?

If it’s math hw there wasn’t any for tonight because of fucking Jeremy

**Mullet:**

No I knew there wasn’t math homework

But idk if you should say anything about Jeremy because he had a serious allergic reaction dude

Like he was fucking choking

**Me:**

That shit was scary

Like I thought he was going to fucking die

And McKaylluh’s face of sheer horror when she realized she fucked up

Who the hell even brings an entire jar of peanut butter to school??

**Mullet:**

A girl whose name is freaking McKaylluh that’s who

Doesn’t our school even have a ‘no nuts’ policy?

**Me:**

I think so

Think she’s gunna get an ass whooping?

**Mullet:**

Probably just going to be grounded and get her electronics taken away

‘No more talking to your boyfriend for an entire week McKaylluh’

**Me:**

‘No dad you can’t do this I love him and he’s going to save me and we’re going to run away!!!’

This is fuckin stupid

What did you wanna talk about anyways? This got off topic real quick

**Mullet:**

Right yeah

It’s actually kind of

It’s weird

**Me:**

The only time you’ve really weirded me out was when you explicitly explained to me how you’d be dtf mothman

Lay it on me Mullet

**Mullet:**

Well I would he’s got freaking abs

But uh

Ugh this is fucking awkward

**Me:**

Just spit it out Keith you can do it

**Mullet:**

Do you know how to knit gloves?

 

    Lance read over the last message Keith sent him. First of all, he wasn’t weirded out by his question (their friend group already knew he could knit). Secondly, gloves? Well, yeah, he could. Heck, Keith has seen some of the gloves he’d knitted before, so he didn’t even have to ask. The better question was, why was he asking?

 

**Me:**

Yeah I can but

Why? Want me to knit you a pair or smth?

**Mullet:**

Uh

Actually… yeah? Maybe?

If it’s not too much to ask

**Me:**

Dude it’s whatever tbh

They’re just gloves so sure

Fuck it, want them to be personalized?

**Mullet:**

Are you being serious?

**Me:**

Duh

**Mullet:**

How

Why are you like this?

But

Uh

… Sure

 

    Lance snorted, hurting his already sore throat when he did so. Keith, asking for a personalized pair of knitted gloves? He kept it in the back of his mind to use for blackmail.

 

**Me:**

Alright so

I’ve got black and red yarn so I’m guessing you’d like that

I can even make them fingerless if you want me to

**Mullet:**

What the shit are you actually being nice to me right now

This has to be a dream

But hell yeah if you can

**Me:**

Mullet, I’m nicer to you than you think I am

Don’t be rude

But will do

Can I ask why you want them tho?

**Mullet:**

Actually uh

…

My dad said something about my scars again

 

    Lance exhaled through his nose, eyes narrowing. Keith didn’t have the greatest relationship with his father ever since his dad caught him in the bathroom holding a bottle of pills and a can of beer. Despite the man also already abusing substances as a way to ‘calm him down’, he lashed out at Keith violently, resulting in Keith coming to school with a black eye and bruised stomach.

    Keith had shrugged it off, telling teachers and their friends that he’d gotten into a fight with some kid from another school, although he’d told Lance the truth after the day was over. Lance remembered him crying. It sucked. Ever since then, Keith would share stories of how his dad lectured him harshly about his depression and anxiety, despite being an alcoholic and addict himself. Sure, Lance told Keith it also wasn’t the greatest for him to drink and do drugs (and he had listened to him, stopping the habit), but Keith also didn’t deserve that treatment. The only positive thing Lance could think of in relation to Keith’s dad was that he hadn’t disowned his son yet. How fucking nice of him.

 

**Me:**

Shit

What did he say this time?

**Mullet:**

It was… kind of bad

Apparently he’s “offended” by my scars and

He doesn’t want them to be visible around him anymore

**Me:**

Are you fucking kidding me

He actually said that?

**Mullet:**

Yeah

**Me:**

Bullshit

I can’t believe this fucking asshat wtf

**Mullet:**

It’s pretty bad but I can work with it for now…

I know you’re probably really pissed rn but

**Me:**

More than pissed dude

**Mullet:**

Could you still knit me those gloves? And make them cover my wrists I guess?

**Me:**

You don’t even have to ask

Yeah I’ll do it

I don’t get why you want me to knit you a pair instead of

Idk you buying them?

**Mullet:**

It’s free

**Me:**

You bastard

Also who said I was doing this for free?

**Mullet:**

You wouldn’t charge me

**Me:**

Fuck you for being right

I’ll probably have them done by Monday so I’ll give them to you then

**Mullet:**

Monday? That’s really quick

**Me:**

What can I say? I’m pretty amazing

**Mullet:**

Sure you are

I hope you can sense the sarcasm

**Me:**

Whatever Mullet

I’ll actually start working on them now

Also the next time I see your dad I can’t promise that I won’t flip him the bird

**Mullet:**

Please don’t Lance

He’ll ban any communication with you and the others

But

Thanks

For not being a jerk this time

**Me:**

Hey have I ever been a jerk to you since freshman year?

No I don’t think so

**Mullet:**

You were still a jerk leading up to freshman year

But yeah you’re right

Things got better I guess

**Me:**

Yup

I’ll go ahead and get started on those gloves

Tell your dad I said ‘fuck you’

**Mullet:**

I’ll think about it

Talk to you later

Moody

**Me:**

See ya Mullet

 

    Lance sighed, shutting off his phone and sitting up in bed. He stretched out a bit before standing up and rummaging through his closet to fish out his box of knitting supplies, pulling out his knitting needles, and black and red yarn.

    As he situated himself back on his bed to knit, Lance let his thoughts roam back to Keith’s dad. He really was an asshole, and a hypocrite above anything else. Keith didn’t have to be ashamed of himself, and if anything, his dad should be supporting him instead of making him feel worse. A father verbally, and sometimes even physically, abusing his own child because of his depression, despite also trying to null the pain with alcohol and drugs? Fucking great parenting right there. Definitely not horrible at all. Nope. (Fuck Keith’s dad).

    If Lance really thought about it, he was somewhat glad it was Keith who walked through that bathroom door back in freshman year. Sure, at the time they weren’t the closest or on good terms, but if it were anyone else, Lance would’ve continued hating Keith without knowing really anything. If _anything_ , the whole bathroom incident was the first step into their weird friendship, their arguments turning into harmless banter. Hell, after ending the tension between them, they ended up spending more time together. Y’know, bonding over their own shitty lives. Not for any other reason at all. Not like feelings or whatever.

    Okay, so Lance had a bit of a crush on Keith. But it was just superficial, and probably just stemmed from them hanging out so often to sympathize with each other. Crushes could easily come from sharing an emotional bond, right? Besides, despite his stupid mullet, Keith was fairly attractive in his own right. But that was it. Nothing more than a shallow crush probably only determined by looks and spending a lot of time together. That. Was. It.

    Lance groaned loudly, coughing immediately after for the scratchiness of his throat. He looked at the black and red yarn sat beside him on his bed and wondered what type of pattern he should use for the gloves.

* * *

 

    A day later, Lance had a pair of black, cable knit, fingerless gloves that extended halfway to the elbows ready to give to Keith. He hoped the red paw prints knit on the palms of the gloves weren’t too extra. Keith liked cats anyway. He probably wouldn’t mind. Hopefully.

 

* * *

 

    “Hey, Keith!” Lance called out to the broody looking boy standing outside the school’s front gate. He looked up from his feet to wave at Lance, who smiled as he jogged up to him.

    “What’s up mullet man?” Lance asked smugly, Keith rolling his eyes in response.

    “Just waiting around.”

    “Aww for me?” Lance batted his eyelashes dramatically.

    He grinned when Keith snickered and shoved at his chest, “For Hunk too, idiot.”

    “You said ‘too’ sooo,” Lance draped himself over the shorter boy (by only a few inches, fuck you Lance) and poked his cheek, “You were technically still waiting for me.”

    “Yeah yeah, okay. Whatever. Now get off me dumbass,” Keith managed to shrug Lance off his back, Lance making it a show to trip over his own feet over dramatically.

    The two shared a few more playful shoves, before Lance held up a small bag in front of Keith’s face.

    “Hold up. I’ve got you something,” he fished out the finished gloves, holding them out for Keith to take. He felt a sense of pride when Keith took them gently in his hands in awe. Lance had to admit, he did try pretty hard to make them look as good as possible, and he spent a little more time than he’d wanted with the cat paws. Sure, he didn’t have to add those, but he’d wanted to, and once he’d started he couldn’t just stop.

    “What the shit Lance,” Keith was taking off the fingerless gloves he was already wearing in exchange for the knitted ones gifted to him. Lance’s chest felt tighter when he watched him put the gloves on, examining them intently.

    “Lance, these are freaking amazing, what the hell,” Keith looked up at Lance, his eyes brighter and a slight smile tugged at the edges of his mouth. Lance was pretty sure his ears were red.

    “You like them?”

    “Dude, fuck yeah I do! They’re really… cute,” Keith’s voice drifted off at the end of his sentence, laughing a little at the red cat paws, “Thanks.”

    Lance smiled fondly (he worried a little too fondly), “It’s no biggie, Mullet. Did you pass my message on to your dad?”

    “What, you mean the ‘fuck you’? Because if so, no.”

    “Aww, c’mon Keeeeeeith!! How is he supposed to know that I despise his ass if you don’t make it obvious?”

    “I’d rather he didn’t because we wouldn’t be able to talk anymore.”

    Lance paused, “You want to keep talking with me?”

    Keith raised an eyebrow at him, “Well, yeah? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

    “No no, that’s not really what I meant by that.”

    “What then?”

    “Like,” Lance shoved his hands in his pockets, beginning to walk towards the school building, “Do you like talking to me?”

    Lance heard Keith’s footsteps catching up to him, “I thought you knew that already?”

    If Lance’s ears were already red, then his entire face must’ve been on fire then.

    “Lance?”

    “Yeah?”

    “Are you sick or something? Your face is really red.”

    Well there was Lance’s confirmation. Geez, how embarrassing.

    “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it,” he waved a hand as if to brush it aside, Keith only huffing in response, trying to sync up their steps into the school.

    The halls weren’t really filled up with students yet. It was still pretty early, and despite how much Lance hated waking up early, the morning was the only time other than after school and lunch that Lance, Keith, and Hunk could all hang out. Pidge was going to that private, all girls’ school fifteen minutes away (that gremlin genius), and Shiro, Matt and Allura were all already in college. It sucked that their friend group was split up because of school. They were able to meet up during holidays and vacations, but other than that, they had to stick with Skype calls or Houseparty sessions. (Occasionally, they all got on Discord and played a game or two, usually resulting in Matt or Keith rage quitting).

    Lance glanced down at the gloves on Keith’s hands, clenching his fists in his pockets in order not to reach out and grab them. He bit the inside of his cheek as they rounded the corner, heading into the typically unused hallway. It didn’t lead to any classrooms, only meant for more lockers for the students, but only Lance and Keith wanted their lockers in the dark hallway. Hunk wasn’t fond of the dark, saying he felt intimidated being the only three there.

    Lance stopped at his locker, entering in his combination and opening it. Keith did the same nearby, already shoving his backpack into the skinny locker. After the two got their books from their lockers, they shut them in unison, continuing to walk beside each other back into the brightly lit hall.

    “So, what’s up with you?” Keith asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

    “What do you mean?”

    “Like, how’s life?”

    “Oh. I, uh, threw up again,” Lance looked away when he saw Keith’s concerned expression. He didn’t like that face. He didn’t like it when people worried about him.

    “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t on purpose this time. I think I just got a stomach bug.”

    “Still,” Lance felt Keith gently nudge his arm, “You should’ve told me as soon as you threw up. Could’ve talked to you.”

    Lance laughed dryly, “It’s fine, Keith. My mom was there to help me. Also, it happened right before you texted me about the gloves.”

    “What? Lance,” Keith stepped in front of him, making him stop in his tracks, “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

    Lance sighed through his nose, still avoiding eye contact, “Because it wasn’t important. Also, you already had a problem with your dad. I didn’t want to make you feel worse.”

    Lance tried stepping around Keith, but was surprised when the boy situated himself in front of him again.

    “Lance.”

    “Just texting you made me feel better. So don’t worry about it. Knitting was fun too,” Lance forced himself past Keith, who stood in his place for a few seconds before turning around to catch up with him.

    “So, it was okay?”

    “Mhm.”

    “You liked texting me?”

    “I always like talking to you, idiot.” _Why did he have to go ahead and make it sound like a confession?_

“Oh. Well, thanks,” Keith answered without too much thought.

    _Thank God Keith was so oblivious._

    “No problem.”

    The two continued to walk in silence, avoiding the students who were beginning to flood through the halls, Lance making sure Keith was still nearby. He tried not to think of the fact that he was still wearing the knitted gloves. He couldn’t.

    “Lance! Keith!” A friendly and familiar voice called out to them.

    Lance spun around just in time to see their large friend running towards them, his backpack bouncing up and down on his back as he ran holding a tray in his hands.

    “Hey, Hunk. What’s uh,” Keith pointed at the tray as Hunk stood, resting his weight on the wall next to them, trying to catch his breath, “What’s this?”

    The sunny boy perked up, standing up straight with a large grin on his face. He held the tray out to Lance and Keith, letting them take a look at what was in it, “It’s banana bread! Shay found the recipe online and wondered if I could try it out, so I went ahead and did it over the weekend! It was really good so I made some more last night to bring in, but I woke up late? I know, crazy, I usually NEVER sleep through my alarm, but-”

    Lance laughed, cutting the rambling off, “Get to the point, buddy.”

    Hunk cleared his throat, “Right, right. I made us banana bread for lunch!” He beamed proudly, his happiness radiating to his two friends. You just couldn’t be upset when a literal ray of sunshine was right there in front of you.

    “Uh, Hunk? Is it?” Keith looked nervously at the banana bread tray, only to receive a reassuring smile.

    “Yup! Dairy free for you, dude. Shay kept you in mind when looking for a good recipe.”

    “Remind me to thank her later on then,” Keith smiled back, rubbing the back of his neck.

    Lance stared at him, before being shoved by a passing student, “Alright, I think we should get out of here because everyone’s coming in now. I don’t want to get trampled like Mufasa in the Lion King.”

    Keith gasped softly, “How dare you mention Mufasa’s death in the Lion King.”

    Lance snickered, “It’s true though. Don’t want my mom to end up like Simba. Wow, it’s like the reverse Lion King.”

    “Just stop talking. Right there. Please.”

    “Only because you asked so politely, Mullet.”

    “Will you ever stop calling me ‘Mullet’, Moody?”

    “Whenever you stop calling me ‘Moody’, Mullet.”

    “I don’t even call you Moody that often?”

    “Still.”

    “Ugh, guys stop teasing each other like that. You’re doing that old couple thing again,” Hunk jokingly grimaced, making Keith push him playfully, Lance’s face flushed a deep red.

    “They’re just nicknames, Hunk. Don’t look too much into it.”

    As much as Lance wanted to verbally agree, he knew his voice would crack if he did so, resulting in him nodding his head furiously. Hunk eyed him curiously before slowly nodding his head as well. (Lance knew that _Hunk_ knew something was up. He could just feel it).

    The three continued to talk as Hunk put his belongings in his own locker, the annoyingly loud bell ringing as their signal to depart for their first period classes. Keith and Lance waved good-bye to Hunk as they headed off to physics.

    As the two sat at their shared table, Lance took once last selfish glance at the gloves he knitted for Keith. They really looked nice on him. And Keith seemed to really like them too. Score for Lance.

* * *

 

    Lance looked at the slice of banana bread in his hand, carefully covered in saran wrap. At lunch earlier that day, Hunk had asked if he’d be alright with bringing a piece home for his mom. Despite the compliments he received from Lance and Keith (as well as the small kiss on the cheek from Shay), Hunk felt the need to hear the evaluation of a certified “Mom Chef” as he liked to say. So, there Lance was, a single piece of banana bread in his hand, walking home from school.

    The day was pretty uneventful, excluding the morning and the banana bread. School passed by pretty normally, although, Keith’s constant appraisal of the knitted gloves was definitely a plus to everything. Lance wasn’t expecting him to be as grateful as he was, but he hoped they’d be beneficial enough to his friend.

    Hopefully, his dad wouldn’t be ‘offended’ by the gloves either.

 

* * *

 

**Me:**

Heyyyy Mullet

**Mullet:**

Hey Moody

So why are you texting me?

**Me:**

What?? I can’t text one of my friends?

**Mullet:**

No it’s not that it’s just

We don’t text a lot I guess

Aside from venting or asking about homework

**Me:**

Would you like to?

**Mullet:**

What

Text more often?

**Me:**

Yeah

It’s okay if you don’t want to

**Mullet:**

No it’s fine

That’d be nice

To text

More often

**Me:**

Cool

**Mullet:**

Cool

**Me:**

I just got back homeee~

My mom really liked the banana bread Hunk made

**Mullet:**

Figures

It was really good

**Me:**

Yyyyyyup

Oh oh also

Did your dad see your gloves yet??? :O

**Mullet:**

Yeah

He didn’t really like the cat paws but

He said they were better than having my scars showing…

**Me:**

Well fuck him

I spent how much time on those cat paws????

Like I had to make them PERFECT for you dude

He’s still a fucking sack of tits for making you cover up your arms too

Keeeeeeeeith pass on my messaaaaaage

**Mullet:**

Lance, no

**Me:**

Lance, yes

**Mullet:**

We are not going to start with this

**Me:**

Alright fineeee

I’m still salty

Well, more than salty

But still I’m mad >:(

**Mullet:**

Well thanks

For being mad I guess

It’s nice to know someone else hates him too

**Me:**

It’s no problem Keithy boy

Anyone would hate him if they knew what he’s really like

Buuuuut they probably wouldn’t despise him as much as I do

**Mullet:**

Lol

Thanks Lance

**Me:**

Ur welcs Keith

Ah shit my mom’s calling me down to help with dinner

Text you later?

**Mullet:**

Sure

Bye Lance

**Me:**

Peace out Keithers

 

    Lance shut his phone off, dropping it lazily onto his bed. He stretched out his arms, hearing the satisfying pop of his shoulders. So he was making slow progress with Keith. At there was still progress at all.

    “I mean, no one just says they’d be down to talk more often and not mean anything behind it right?” Lance asked himself out loud, immediately slapping his forehead. Ugh, who talked to themselves like this? Apparently he did. God, he fell too far down the ‘feelings hole’ already.

    There was probably no way Keith could like him romantically anyways, despite him being obviously gay (they even attended pride one time together, although Lance was afraid of being seen by a family member). Lance assumed he wasn’t Keith’s type, with their aesthetics being very different. But there wasn’t any denying that Keith was Lance’s type.

    Sure, he didn’t look similar to any of the guys he’d ever fallen for, but he was… better. He didn’t look like James (never trust a guy named James), he didn’t look like Dante (though he was also very sweet), and he definitely couldn’t compare to Joel (but he was a regular at the gym and took really good care of his health so of course he’d be attractive). But Keith was still better.

    He didn’t take the best care of himself, he didn’t really care how he looked like, and he was really reliant on Lance. But that could be just the reason why Lance liked him. He didn’t mind if Keith didn’t take the best care of himself because he could remind him to take his medicine. He didn’t mind if Keith didn’t care too much about his appearance because Lance could help him with shopping for better looking clothes (and possibly introduce to him a facial routine and makeup), rather than old clothes received from Shiro. And Lance definitely didn’t mind Keith relying on him at all. If Lance was the only person besides Keith’s brother who knew of his other side… it might be selfish, but he was alright with having that all to himself.

    “ _Lance? Come down now; you have to prepare the table!!_ ” his mom called from the kitchen, voice muffled by Lance’s door.

    “I’m coming, ma!” he yelled back a reply, knowing full well he’d be lightly scolded for raising his voice in the house.

    He could text Keith again later. And keep his feelings to himself for maybe forever.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sure, Keith loved things. He loved his sort-of-brother, he loved his friends, he loved cats and hippos, he loved certain foods and drinks, he loved certain shows, he loved different types of music, but to love a single individual more than just a relative, and more than a friend… It was still new to Keith. No one made Keith feel this way except Lance. No one could make Keith feel this way _except for_ Lance. Lance was always an exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Mentions of abuse, abusive/drunk father, anxiety attacks, dependency issues
> 
> To skip over Keith's anxiety attack: Stop reading at "Keith didn’t know what to think anymore" and pick it up at "Keith listened to Lance’s voice..." (You'll miss a small detail, but you'll know what it is based off of context/it's not that significant)
> 
> To skip over the abuse/physical aggression: Stop reading at "Mom's not coming home." and pick it up at "As soon as the door was closed and locked behind him, Keith allowed himself to slide back down on the floor. Safe. It was safe." (Nothing really bad happens here, but Keith's father does get physically aggressive with him, and that's still considered bad, for lack of a better term)
> 
> If you want to skip over Keith's drunk father completely, stop reading as soon as he's introduced, and continue reading at the same sentence as you would to skip over his aggression.
> 
> Also, sorry for taking so long to update :)

_… off._

_What’s off?_

_Why does something feel off?_

_Can’t breathe._

_You can breathe._

_Breathing too fast?_

_What’s off-_

    Keith’s eyes opened wide in shock, heart beat racing. His blankets were kicked off his bed, and he was sticky with sweat. Swallowing harshly, he felt how dry his throat was.

    An annoying beeping continuously resounded throughout his room from the phone sitting on his desk.

    Keith let himself rise out of bed slowly, bringing a hand up to place on his forehead. Well, at least he didn’t have a fever. And he didn’t remember having any nightmares. His alarm was a normal thing as well, so it shouldn’t have bothered him.

    So what was off?

    Before giving it too much thought, Keith stood from his bed, grabbing his phone to shut off the alarm. With the constant beeping gone, he could properly think. But he couldn’t think of what caused him to wake up in shock.

    Yawning, Keith made his way over to his closet to change into a simple outfit- black skinny jeans and a dark grey, oversized sweater with sleeves only reaching just past his elbows- before heading out of his room and down the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

    Nothing was getting to him yet, so he let out a small frustrated sigh. Keith hated waking up with the feeling of anxiety, especially if he couldn’t pinpoint it. If he couldn’t pinpoint it, that meant the day would end up being pretty shitty. He didn’t like feeling shitty. Especially when he had school with Lance, Hunk, and Shay.

Hunk and Shay were angels who deserved to only be happy. They didn’t need to know about his issues, if that meant they couldn’t stay happy and instead become worried. Lance also didn’t need to deal with his shit all the time. It made Keith feel like a burden, and that always sucked. Lance’s face whenever he was concerned also set a bad feeling in his stomach. He hated it.

    After pouring himself a bowl of cereal (no matter what Lance said, Keith always did it the right way- milk, specifically soy milk, first), he sat and crunched on his Frosted Flakes thoughtfully. Nothing really stood out to him as the cause to his anxiousness… except for the new dread of possibly still being unsettled and jittery around Lance later that day.

    “Damn it,” Keith muttered between mouthfuls. Nothing made him feel as strongly as Lance did, no matter if it were frustration, disbelief, happiness, or… _feeeeeelings_ . Like, _romantic_ … feelings.

    “Fuuuuuuck,” Keith groaned, aggressively shoving his spoon into the bowl of cereal, a bit of soy milk splashing onto the counter he sat at.

    He really, really, _really_ liked Lance. ‘Like’ could’ve even been an understatement at that point. Each time Keith thought of blue eyes, tan skin graced with light freckles, and chocolate brown hair, he couldn’t stop his heart from racing. Sure, at first, all Lance did was aggravate him and push his buttons, but now he was doing it in an entirely different way. A good way.

    Quickly finishing his cereal, Keith placed his dishes into the sink to be washed later on, then headed back up the stairs to the bathroom. He locked the door and grabbed his toothbrush, applying a strip of toothpaste onto the bristles, getting to work at brushing his teeth. As he did so, he stared hard at his own reflection, as if to try and intimidate the boy in the mirror with the dark circles under his eyes.

    Spitting and rinsing out his mouth, Keith then felt for his bottle of facial wash, something Lance had insisted him on using. He squirted a generous amount of the wash into his hand, then lathered it over his face, creating many bubbles and suds. After thoroughly washing his face, Keith splashed water on it to wash away the soap, then patted away the excess water still on his face with a soft towel. Like Lance had promised, his face felt refreshed again, after using the same wash for nearly three months. Keith was experiencing less breakouts, something that boosted his self-esteem a little more. (Of course the acne scars weren’t going to just fade away either).

    Keith then ran his still (somewhat) wet hands through his hair before picking up his hair-brush and brushing the tangles out. He grabbed a hair tie sitting on the counter, and swiftly pulled his long hair into a small ponytail, something he was also proud of. Though he wanted his life to be short, Keith liked his long hair, as it was a symbol for how long he’d put up with the world thus far.

    He surveyed his appearance one last time in the mirror before unlocking the bathroom door and exiting it, going back into his bedroom to gather his belongings for school.

    As he shoved his notebooks back into his backpack from studying the night before, he noticed a glimpse of black and red sitting next to his pencil case. Keith reached for his pencil case first, placing it into his backpack, then looked back up at the black and red.

    He froze, a tightness suddenly returning to his chest. His hands shook as he looked at the knitted gloves sitting on his desk, gently placed there the night before when Keith was about to shower before sleeping. The gloves weren’t the cause for his anxiety, however they did bring Keith a completely different feeling.

    “ _Excitement?_ ” Keith thought to himself, immediately flushing pink. No, maybe not really excitement. Maybe another extreme version of happiness.

    _What were other words that describe extreme happiness?_

_Joy, cheerfulness, delight, contentment. Elation. Was he_ elated _because Lance knitted him gloves?_

    “Shit, why are you like this?” Keith asked himself, placing a shaky hand on the gloves before picking them up and slipping them on. They really did extend far enough to fully cover his wrists. They were perfect. And they were made by an almost perfect person.

    Lance was still imperfect, despite how much Keith believed him to be the most perfect person on the face of the earth. He had his flaws and weaknesses, but they made Keith love him all the same. ‘Love’, huh? It was still such a strange and foreign word on his tongue.

    Sure, Keith loved things. He loved his sort-of-brother, he loved his friends, he loved cats and hippos, he loved certain foods and drinks, he loved certain shows, he loved different types of music, but to love a single individual more than just a relative, and more than a friend… It was still new to Keith. No one made Keith feel this way except Lance. No one could make Keith feel this way _except for_ Lance. Lance was always an exception.

    Keith admired the gloves on his hands, a fond smile on his face as he recalled the memory of Lance presenting them to him. He looked back over at his closet, walking over to it and opening it to fish out a red beanie to match the gloves. Pulling it onto his head, he made his way back into the bathroom to fix it, arranging it and his ponytail in a way that made him look… more attractive.

    Lance could even make Keith want to look better for him. Wow. If only he knew the extreme power he held over Keith.

    Keith grumbled, re-entering his room (for what felt like the twentieth time) to pull on a pair of socks and finish packing up his backpack to leave for school. After making his way back downstairs, as he neared the living room, he could hear a faint mumbling noise accompanied by the sound of static or white noise. When he entered the room, he saw the TV on a channel that didn’t exist and his father passed out on the floor, surrounded by multiple empty beer bottles and used cigars.

    Keith stared at him, eyes devoid of empathy. He stepped over the sleeping man, switching off the TV before making his way to the front door. As he opened it, he looked back over at the man, eyes narrowing when he muttered with little menace, “You sorry excuse of a father.”

    He swung open the front door and left the house, letting the door slam shut.

 

* * *

 

    As he walked his usual route to school, Keith looked at the cat paws knitted on the palms of his gloves. He would see Lance later. And he would make things a little better. He’d make him feel a little better.

 

* * *

 

    Neither Lance or Hunk had arrived to school early that morning. Which, unfortunately, left Keith alone to wait around in the halls for the first bell to ring, awkwardly dodging and weaving through the herd of students trying to get to their respective destinations.

    The tightness in his chest just kept on getting tighter, but Keith did his best to ignore it. After all, he had english for his first period class to make him feel even more anxious. Sure enough, as soon as he opened up his book, the sentences didn’t seem to form correctly and certain words jumped out at him. Not exactly to leave a lasting impression on him, but rather to jumble up the already messed up thoughts in his head.

    He couldn’t concentrate. But he’d be fine. After english, homeroom passed by quickly, with Keith’s presence only being known when he had to respond to the teacher calling attendance. There was still no sign of his friends. It was as if Keith woke up in an alternate universe in which the world was pitted against him, making sure he was miserable, uncomfortable, and alone. He wouldn’t be surprised if he really did wake up in such a place.

    Thankfully, Shay showed up during physics, apparently having gone to her guidance counselor that morning for much longer than she anticipated. It was no surprise as many colleges were already gaining interest in her with her many achievements. Keith wouldn’t be shocked if she ended up going to an ivy league school, getting a PhD in whatever major she chose, and somewhere along the lines becoming famous and rich for a scientific discovery. Because, well, she was Shay. She was amazing. And Keith? It’d be a miracle if he could even save up enough money to go to college. He was riding on the hope of a scholarship he probably wouldn’t ever be offered.

    Hunk was also in U.S. History, being late from an excused dentist appointment in the morning. Keith could forgive him, since the dentist was needed to make sure Hunk’s smile stayed as bright and sunny as it always was, and continues to be. Hunk was always radiant and full of energy, when he wasn’t sleepy or hungry. But he never seemed to have a truly awful day, and Keith was happy for him. He just wished his own life could look like Hunk’s.

    Lance didn’t turn up for lunch. Not even for the following couple of classes after that. Hunk and Shay weren’t in any of those classes with Keith as well, leaving the pressure he was feeling to increase significantly. The gloves were beginning to feel ‘itchy’ and made Keith contemplate removing them. But at the same time, they were grounding and a subtle reminder of comfort. It didn’t change the fact that the person who made them wasn’t there, and they were increasingly getting hotter and hotter, as if the soft yarn could burn patterns into his palms.

 

* * *

 

    Keith didn’t know what to think anymore. So he did what he knew best. He ran away.

    As soon as the teacher allowed him to go to the bathroom, Keith sprinted down the hall, immediately falling on his knees once he was safely locked in a stall.

    His breathing was frantic, and his head was spinning. The toilet looked blurry through the tears beginning to well up in his eyes, and as Keith shakily lifted his hands, he realized how heavy they felt. The gloves were searing his skin, but Keith couldn’t remove them as his fingers wouldn’t stop shaking long enough to properly control them. He felt as if he were on fire and would burn into ashes there in the stall, before someone would come in and sweep them away with dirty sneakers like the burnt ends of a used cigar.

    Keith let out a pathetic sounding whimper as he continued to shake, drops of sweat and tears cascading down his cheeks. Through his hazy mind, he was able to come up with one thing to help ground him. With trembling hands, he felt in his pocket for his phone, turning it on and holding down the home button until he heard the familiar programmed voice ask him what it could do for him.

    “Call Moody,” Keith weakly commanded, holding the phone close to his ear, waiting to either be declined by an emotionless machine or greeted with a comforting voice. His breath hitched when the ringing stopped.

    “ _Keith?_ ” Lance answered, his voice sounding more gravely than usual. That meant he was probably sick. That’s why he didn’t show up to school. That’s why.

    “ _Hey, Keith? Dude, what’s up? Sorry, I should’ve texted you guys this morning that I wouldn’t be in today since I’m kinda sick. But school isn’t out yet, so is something up, Mullet?_ ”

    Keith tried to respond, but instead he let out a shaky sigh, making another pathetic sound into the phone that Lance would probably become worried about. Keith didn’t like it when Lance was worried. His worried face didn’t suit him.

    “ _Oh shit, you’re having an anxiety attack, aren’t you? Don’t answer that question; you definitely are. Okay, Keith? You can understand me right?_ ” Lance consoled.

    Keith managed out a sound of affirmation.

    “ _Alright, put your phone on speaker so you can put it down on the floor._ ”

    Keith obeyed.

    “ _You’re breathing too fast, so I need you to breathe in for four seconds, out for seven. I’ll count for you, okay? Just listen to my voice and don’t think about it too much. Just listen to my voice._

    “ _Breathe in, 1… 2… 3… 4. Out, 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7. In, 1… 2… 3… 4. Out, 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7._ ”

    Keith listened to Lance’s voice, breathing in accordance to how he counted, and felt his heartbeat slowly return to normal. His breathing was no longer erratic, and he wasn’t profusely sweating or tearing up. He even stopped shaking so violently, only having the occasional twitch in his fingers.

    “ _Keith? You feeling a little better now, buddy?_ ” Lance asked, worry lacing his voice.

    “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry for calling you when you should be resting.”

    “ _What? Dude, no, don’t be sorry about something like this. Actually I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to call me for this. Don’t feel sorry when you needed a little help with your anxiety attack. It’s not like it could ever bother me._ ”

    Keith breathed out a sigh, though he wore a slight smile, “Thanks, Lance. I just… I didn’t know who else to call.”

    “ _Well, it’s a good thing you were able to call anyone at all. Like, during an anxiety attack? Dude, you’re amazing!_ ” Lance’s admiration sounded genuine.

    “I don’t know if ‘amazing’ is a word for it,” Keith laughed softly, picking his phone up off the ground.

    “ _Wait, Keith, I’ve gotta ask to make sure, but uh… Did you take your meds this morning?_ ”

    Keith paused, thinking of his morning routine, groaning when he realized he forgot to take his medication after finishing his breakfast. His mind was somewhere else then, but Keith wasn’t about to tell Lance it was _him_ who was on his mind.

    “ _I’ll take that as a no?_ ”

    “Yeah, no.”

    “ _Which is it, Mullet?’_

    “No, I forgot to take my meds.”

    “ _How ‘bout I offer something to you then?_ ” Lance asked.

    Keith furrowed his brow in confusion, “What is it?”

    “ _What if I texted you in the morning to remind you? To take your meds! Er, well, you could always just put up a sticky note somewhere but, uh, well,_ ” Lance’s voice trailed off into rambling before Keith cut him off.

    “I think I’d be okay with that.”

    “ _I… What?_ ”

“I mean, it’s alright if you reminded me in the morning.”

    “ _For real? Like, you won’t be bothered or annoyed by it? Are you sure?_ ” Lance’s questions came out rapidly, one immediately after the other. Keith had to laugh at his surprise.

    “I’m sure.”

    “ _Cool! Cool, cool. So, I guess I’ll start doing that tomorrow? What time do you usually wake up?_ ”

    “Seven, I think? Yeah, that’s when my alarm goes off.”

    “ _Then, I’ll text you at like, seven o’five or something!_ ”

    “Sounds good.”

    “ _Alright then, Mullet. I’m pretty sure you’ve gotta get back to class now. You feeling alright to go?_ ”

    “I think… Hey, Lance?”

    “ _Yeah?_ ”

    “How are you feeling?” Keith hoped his voice didn’t sound too worried.

    “ _Oh, you mean about me being sick? I’ll definitely be in tomorrow; my mom just overreacted a little this morning when I told her I felt a bit nauseous. I don’t really blame her either. I feel good enough to go outside today too! Honestly, I kind of want out of the house_ ,” Lance explained. Keith heard him sigh into the phone before suddenly gasping.

    “ _Yo, Keith!_ ”

    “Uh, what?”

    “ _Wanna meet up after school? At the butt tree?_ ” Lance asked excitedly.

    Keith envisioned the old oak tree in his head, with its roots near its trunk closely resembling a person’s rear end. He and Lance had discovered the tree one weekend they were watching Lance’s nieces and nephews play in the park. They had trusted the kids for a few minutes to explore around themselves, coming across the tree after straying away from the hiking trail.

Lance had excitedly run up to the tree, doubling over in laughter when he pointed out the ‘butt’ shape made by the roots. It was an especially beautiful day, since the sun was setting, making the sky look painted with gentle strokes of yellows, purples, and pinks. Light had shone through the leaves of the butt tree, like a hundred little spotlights all trying to illuminate Lance. It was an amazing view. It was also the day Keith had realized he really liked Lance’s laugh. The two continuously hiked back up to that tree to talk, and it never really mattered where their conversations ended up going. What mattered was that their words were heard by no one else but themselves and the old oak tree.

Despite wanting to see the butt tree again, Keith was more concerned about Lance’s health, “Are you sure? I mean, you should be resting if you’re sick.”

    “ _Relax, Mullet! They say that fresh air is good for you if you’re sick, so I’ll be fine,_ ” Lance reassured.

    Keith took a few moments to contemplate it before answering, “Only if you feel like you can.”

    Keith heard Lance whoop in excitement, shaking his head when he heard the other boy begin coughing.

    “I still think this is a bad idea. For you, at least.”

    “ _Hey, no, okay. I’m_ not _letting you go up to the butt tree without me, Mullet!_ ”

    “Whatever you say, Moody.”

    “ _Exactly. Now you should go back to class before the teacher ends up sending someone to go see if you’re either taking a shit or vaping._ ”

    “Why vaping and not smoking?”

    “ _Because I’d have to get my mom to whoop your ass if you were smoking. Well, I’d still make her go after you if you were vaping. So you better be shitting._ ”

    Keith laughed, standing from the floor and brushing off his jeans. He sort of regretted kneeling on the bathroom floor, but ‘currently-having-an-anxiety-attack-Keith’ wouldn’t have thought that far ahead. “Yeah, alright then. I’ll see you later, Lance.”

    “ _Roger that, Keithers! Peace out!_ ”

    “Bye,” Keith hung up his phone, making sure to wipe it a bit on his pants before shoving it into his pocket. He washed his hands before exiting the bathroom, casually walking back to the classroom.

    When he re-entered the classroom, he noticed that no one really bothered to spare a look his way. The teacher barely looked up from his computer as he typed away on it, only speaking up to tell Keith that he had sent someone to check up on him and to ask whether or not Keith saw his classmate on the way back. When Keith said no, the teacher simply waved it off and continued to type away.

As Keith took a seat in his respective desk in the back of the classroom, he glanced up at the clock to see how long he had been out. He had been out for half of the class time. At least all he had to do was read a chapter of the damn textbook and take notes. That much was doable.

 

* * *

 

    Keith stood with his back against the oak tree, arms crossed while he waited on Lance to show up. He closed his eyes when the wind blew, causing the trees’ leaves to rustle. The quiet was always nice, but it wouldn’t be quiet for long.

    “Keith!”

    Keith blinked his eyes open, smiling when he turned his head to face the direction of where the voice came from. Lance was slowly hiking up the trail, his nose red and hair disheveled as if he had just gotten up from bed (which was most likely the case).

    Lance huffed a bit when he reached Keith, leaning on the butt tree beside him, “Aw, man. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long, buddy. I know I’ve got long legs but they don’t really work for me when I’m sick.”

    “It’s fine, Lance. I wasn’t really here for that long, since I went home to take my meds first. Also, it’s nice and quiet up here. I like it,” Keith replied, taking in a deep breath of the clean air.

    Lance laughed, “Of course _you_ would. I’d like a little music at least, but…” He paused, looking up at the sky, “I guess this is kind of nice.”

    Keith fixed his eyes to the sky, he and Lance standing in silence, watching the clouds slowly roll by. It was peaceful. Keith never wanted moments like these to end.

    “So, how’re you feeling now? Not shaky or anything?” Lance asked, not looking away from the clouds.

    Keith watched a bird shaped cloud float by, “Mhmm. Feeling better.” He took in another deep breath, closing his eyes once more, letting his head gently rest against the tree as he felt the breeze blow through his ponytail, “S’peaceful. Calm.”

    “Careful there, Mullet. Don’t want you falling asleep standing up here,” Lance laughed, making Keith open his eyes and crack a smile.

    “Don’t worry. With you here, I definitely won’t be able to fall asleep.”

    “I’m not sure if you mean that in a good way or bad way. But it sounds more like a bad way.”

    “Interpret it however the hell you want,” Keith huffed, bringing his hands up to rest behind his head. (It was definitely in a good way. His heart wouldn’t be able to calm down long enough in order for him to fall asleep.)

    “Alright, fine. Oh, hey! You’re wearing the gloves again!” Lance pointed out excitedly.

    Keith brought one hand in front of his face to examine it, “Oh, yeah. They’re nice so I thought I should wear them again. Also, I wanted to wear my beanie. Matches.”

    “They actually do match your beanie, wow. Nice dress style for today, Keith. I’m surprised.”

    “Don’t patronize me.”

    “Heh.”

    A few more beats of silence passed between the two, not an unusual thing to happen at the oak tree. Each time they’d gone up to the tree, the two would eventually find a point in their conversations in which they would stop talking and just let themselves be in the moment. It was never boring or awkward in those silences either, rather, they were the best parts of their hikes up to the butt tree. Keith, however, sometimes found it unconventional that they had nicknamed the tree the ‘butt tree’, as it sometimes killed his meditation as soon as he remembered the name.

    As per usual, Lance was the one to break the silence with a quiet voice, “Is it okay if I interpret what you said earlier as a good thing?”

    Keith paused, his breath somehow caught in his throat. He spoke softly, “I did say that you could interpret it any way you wanted, so sure.”

    “Cool. I kind of…,” Lance’s voice trailed off a bit, “I kind of hope you meant it in a good way.”

    Keith took that as an opportunity to turn his head and look at the other boy, whose eyes were fixed on a point in the distance. Keith noticed the slight warm tinge of pink on the tips of Lance’s ears and cheeks, feeling a surge of confidence.

    “I won’t deny it.”

    Keith felt a sense of satisfaction when he saw how Lance tensed up, still not looking at him. However, the blush on his cheeks was deeper, and Keith could mark that as an accomplishment. Too bad that was how far anything could and would ever go between them.

    “Hey, Keith?”

    “Yeah?”

    “You doin’ anything this Saturday?”

    _Ba-dump._

    “No, I don’t think so. What’s the occasion?” Keith asked, resisting the urge to place a hand over his heart to quiet the loud pounding.

    “It’s nothing too important. Just wanna hang out, if that’s alright with you? My parents will be going on a date, so I’ll be at home alone. They asked me whether or not I wanted to hang at my sister’s place with the kids, but I’d rather do my own thing. But with someone, I guess? And that someone is you? Yeah,” Lance laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

    _Ba-dump. Ba-dump._

    “That’s fine with me. It’s not like I ever really have plans. We can do something. Not sure what, but we can figure it out I guess.”

    Keith tried to ignore how Lance’s face lit up at his response. (His racing heartbeat couldn’t ignore it, however.)

    “Cool! We can either chill at my place or go somewhere, if you want? Walk around Main Street or some shit.”

    “Doesn’t really matter to me. You decide on something. I’ll go with whatever.”

    “Alright, I’ll come up with something then. It’ll be like a chill, bonding day!” Lance beamed, pushing off of the tree. He walked around, swinging his arms animatedly before stretching them high above his head.

    Keith watched as he faced the slowly setting sun, not quite reaching the horizon. The clouds were moving faster, as the wind was increasing in strength, making Lance’s jacket flap in the breeze. His hair blew away from his face, exposing his forehead and letting his bright blue eyes reflect the sun’s light. He was stunning.

    Keith smiled when Lance turned back around to face him, laughing when the boy began dancing around in circles excitedly.

    It was always nice there at the butt tree. Sure, there were tears shed there a number of times, but there wasn’t ever any angry exchanges between the two. They never left with a heavy feeling, but rather a lighter chest and soft smiles. Keith loved those moments. Those tiny moments of pure happiness without negativity dampening the mood for very long at all. He never wanted to them to end.

    “Hey, Lance?” Keith called out to the boy still spinning in circles.

    “What’s up?” He stopped spinning.

    Keith sat down on the ground, resting his back on the tree. He pulled his beanie down over his eyes and leaned his head back, “I think I’m actually going to take a nap now.”

    “Wha- hey, wait a second, Mullet!!” Lance exclaimed.

    Keith took it as a victory when he heard the boy sigh in exasperation, pacing back and forth.

    Keith smiled slightly when he heard footsteps approach the tree, skidding as Lance slid to sit down. He bit his bottom lip when he felt a pinky lightly press against his.

 

* * *

 

    The lights in the house were still off when Keith arrived back home. This either meant his dad was still at work, or he was drunk on the floor, ready to unleash his pent up frustration upon Keith as soon as he walked through the door. Keith already knew which of the two he’d like more.

    It was already surprising that his father was even able to stay in a job, let alone get along with his co-workers. But the job was dirty anyways, cleaning out backed up sewers and the like. It was never pleasant when Keith’s dad returned home after he did, as the horrid smell would quickly travel into his room, despite his door being closed.

    Even though Keith hated it when his dad was drunk and abusive, didn’t matter whether physically or verbally, at least he would take a shower before Keith got home. That made it just a little bit more bearable.

    Keith carefully unlocked the front door, opening and closing it slowly in case he were to find his dad passed out somewhere on the living room floor again. He made sure not to turn the lights on, breathing out a somewhat frustrated sigh when he saw his father sprawled out on the living room couch, sleeping.

    Keith made his way to his room as quietly as possible, making sure not to wake the napping man. Once safely in the confines of his bedroom, he locked the door and switched the weak light on, pulling out his untouched homework as the light flickered on.

    Sitting at his desk, Keith tapped a pencil lightly on his cheek as he tried to figure out the stupid math problems on the worksheet. He worked through all his assignments as fast as he could, ignoring the fact that his answers may just end up being completely incorrect. However, after doing the same thing for about six months, Keith discovered it guaranteed him higher grades than if he truly tried, something he was confused about, but still satisfied with. (Unfortunately, Pidge and Shiro weren’t so happy with him doing this. He was top of his class anyways, so they didn’t have to stress out so much over it).

    As soon as he finished his homework, Keith stood from his desk and stretched, wondering if it were still safe to leave his room and duck into the kitchen to grab a small dinner and bring it back to his room.

    He carefully unlocked his door, peering out to check if the lights were still off. Confirming they were, he swiftly left the safety of his lit room into the dark hallway and stairwell. Keith traversed to the kitchen as quickly and quietly as he could, trying to keep the squeaking of the food closet’s door to a minimum. But when he heard the unforgettable heavy thuds approaching him from behind, he knew that he wasn’t stealthy enough.

    “Hey dad,” Keith said, not turning to face the man, who was opening up the fridge to grab another pack of beer.

    “Keith! You’re back; ‘elcome home kiddo,” the drunkard slurred, popping open a beer bottle. Keith flinched when his dad slammed the bottle on the kitchen counter to place it down.

    “Hey Keith, Keith, Keeeeith. Where’s your mom, huh? When’s she coming home?” Keith’s dad hiccupped as he smiled broadly, seemingly thinking of his wife and getting excited.

    “I don’t know,” Keith responded. It was always the same thing. His dad was always looking for his wife, and Keith would always lie about her. It was what kept him safe, after all.

    His dad groaned, leaning on the counter. He took another swig of his beer, slamming it back down on the counter when he was done with it. He ran a hand through his coarse hair, grumbling, “When’s she gunna come home? When’s she coming home?”

    Keith was tired of this. Tired of having to lie about his mother coming home. Because he had this feeling that if he were to say it enough times, he might end up believing himself as well. It was stupid. It was all stupid.

    “She’s not coming home,” Keith mumbled under his breath.

    “Huh?” his father looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

    “Mom’s not coming home.”

    “ _BULLSHIT!!!_ ”

    Keith grimaced when he heard his dad bring his empty beer bottle down on the counter hard, afraid that the bottle will begin to crack and eventually break. He didn’t want to deal with that again. His side still hurt from the last time he had to.

    “What the _fuck_ are you talking about, kiddo?” Keith tensed up as he heard angry footsteps approaching him. He felt strong, calloused hands grab him by the shirt, lifting him from the ground with ease. Keith couldn’t breathe.

    Keith looked in terror as his father laughed menacingly, “You better be pulling my fucking leg. You better be pulling my _fucking_ leg!!”

    Keith dropped down to the floor when his father released him, only to be forced to look back up by his hair.

    “Mom’s not coming home… yet. Remember? Remember she said she had to go on a business trip? That’s why mom’s not coming home tonight. She won’t be back in a while. She’s just on a business trip. That’s all,” Keith reasoned out. His lie may have been true a couple of years ago, when his mom had actually left on that stupid trip. It was the stupid trip that she couldn’t return home from. The trip that lasted forever.

    Keith coughed and breathed heavily when his father finally released the death grip on his hair, walking away from him. The man grabbed another beer bottle sloppily, laughing quietly to himself, “You’re right. She’s on the business trip. She’ll be back. Of course!”

    Chest heaving slightly, Keith picked himself up from the floor and watched his father disappear back into the living room. He coughed again, deciding to grab a water bottle from the fridge to bring back to his room. Keith settled on a bag of chips for his ‘dinner’, rushing back to the safety of his room.

    As soon as the door was closed and locked behind him, Keith allowed himself to slide back down on the floor. Safe. It was safe.

    “Oh thank _fuck_ ,” he sighed out shakily, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes, as if it could stop the tears from welling up in them. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

    “Fucking, stop,” Keith stood, wiping his eyes. He plopped down on his bed, opening the water bottle he grabbed to take a long drink from it. Keith screwed the cap back on slowly before placing the bottle gently on the floor, letting himself flop onto his back to relax.

    He stared at the plain, white ceiling, trying to find his ‘happy place’. Did he even have a happy place? His fond memories of his mother always turned into the depressing reminder that Keith would never be able to share fun times with her again.

    Even if he were to think of Lance, Keith would also feel like he inconvenienced him constantly, having to rely on him whenever he had a breakdown. Then again, Lance went to him whenever he had issues of his own, so in that respect, Keith assumed they were equal. But it didn’t change the fact that Keith felt shitty about forcing his family problems upon Lance, who honestly didn’t need to put up with his bullshit.

    Keith groaned, flipping onto his stomach and crawling into bed. He grabbed his pillow and hugged it close, frustrated.

    “Sorry, mom. I’m really sorry. You’re probably wondering why your son’s life looks like some drama show right now, aren’t you? I hope it’s at least interesting to watch,” Keith scoffed, curling up even more.

    He felt the tears threatening to spill again and was about the let them fall (begrudgingly), when he was startled by the familiar _ding_ from his phone, that was still sitting on his desk.

    Keith released his grip on his pillow to roll out of bed (nearly tripping over his water bottle), and shuffled over to his desk to pick up his phone. He rubbed his nose as he unlocked the phone, finding a notification from none other than The Lance McClain himself. How he always seemed to be available during Keith’s times of need baffled him.

   

**Moody:**

Yooo Keithers I’ve got a question for you

**Me:**

What’s up?

**Moody:**

What movie would you like to see??? :O

**Me:**

Movie?

Oh for Saturday? Idk

What’s showing?

**Moody:**

We should totally watch the Emoji movie

**Me:**

Absolutely not

**Moody:**

Awww come on Mullet :(

I wanna see if it’s really as bad as people have said it isssss

**Me:**

Still no

**Moody:**

:(((((

What about Spider-Man: Homecoming???

Oh wait we already saw that with Hunk and Pidge

Unless you wanna watch it again?

**Me:**

Not really

Not that it was a bad movie or anything cuz I really liked it

Just wanna watch something else

**Moody:**

How about we just watch some pirated movie online at my place??

OH LIKE KOE NO KATACHI

You haven’t watched that yet

**Me:**

I remember you talking about it with Hunk and Shay for like a week

Is it really that good?

**Moody:**

Dude

Bro

It’s amazing

I mean the movie doesn’t cover everything that happens in the manga so I was kinda bummed about that

If you can, you should totally read it before Saturday

**Me:**

Oh

So I’m guessing that we’re settling on Koe no Katachi then

**Moody:**

I mean

Unless you don’t wanna watch it……

**Me:**

Are you trying to make me feel bad by using ellipses?

**Moody:**

Nooooooo

(Is it working?)

**Me:**

A little

Sure we can watch it

**Moody:**

Yesssss

**Me:**

Hey Lance?

**Moody:**

?????

**Me:**

Did you finish your homework?

**Moody:**

…

Shit

**Me:**

Figures you’d spend your time planning for Saturday and not doing what’s actually important

**Moody:**

Hey Saturday’s plans are important too >:(

**Me:**

How exactly?

**Moody:**

Uh

I dunno if

I’m not sure if I can

…

Actually yeah no nevermind just forget it

 

    Keith blinked at the messages, re-reading the texts as an attempt to understand something- to find any other meaning than what he’d gotten from them. Did that mean Lance also liked?... His thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

_What if I don’t want to forget ‘it’?_

 

**Me:**

Go do your fucking homework

**Moody:**

Will do~

See you tomorrow Mullet!!

Niiiiiiiight ~ヾ(＾∇＾)

**Me:**

Night Lance

 

    Keith locked his phone, letting his arm go limp and rest at his side, phone still in hand. He let out a shaky sigh as he ran his free hand through his hair. What did Lance mean? What did he want Keith to forget?

    “You’re just reading too into it, fucking desperate loser,” Keith dragged his hand down his face, groaning. “Idiot. Stupid. Don’t feel so goddamn…”

He paused, slowly covering his mouth with a shaky hand.

“Don’t be so goddamn happy.”

Keith turned his phone on once again, checking the time. It was only 9:26. He had some time to spare before going to bed.

He sat on the edge of his bed, opening the Safari app to search up ‘Koe no Katachi manga’. Keith tapped on the first search option the showed up and laid down on his side. He hoped the story was really as good as Lance had claimed it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaa this chapter was really difficult for me to write, rather it was emotionally taxing rather than hard to write. I kind of based Keith's anxiety attack on my own anxiety attacks so uh... yeah you can probably imagine how difficult it was to get past that part haha
> 
> I really self project myself onto the way I write Keith's character in this story, so if some things seem kind of specific then that's why. An example is when his hands got 'itchy' the more his anxiety built up? I usually wear hair ties/wristbands/bracelets because they help ground me, and I can fidget with them if I'm feeling anxious. However, if I don't wear them, my wrist gets 'itchy' and I feel wrong, so I sort of unknowingly scratch at my wrist even though it's not like my 'itch' can be relieved or anything.
> 
> Oh oh also, if you couldn't tell, the mood between Lance's and Keith's chapters changed. Just something y'all should look out for as I continue to update– I'll alternate between Keith and Lance as the character focus for each chapter. Next chapter will be focused on Lance, and chp. 5 will be back to Keith~
> 
> I also want to say thank you to the few people who commented on the previous chapter! It made me feel really happy that you can understand what I'm trying to portray in the fic so, thank you!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well, even though it was more negative than the first one. The next chapter will hopefully get out sooner than this one did, and will also be more positive (as will the fourth one- please look forward to that one ;3) so please wait patiently!!
> 
> Hope you all have a good day/night~


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hunk finds out the truth, and somehow, Keith manages to make Lance cry. But in a good way. An incredibly good way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'd like to say that this chapter is very warm feeling and doesn't actually have anything that is really negative! So there's no trigger warnings this time~ However, there is a slight spoiler warning for Koe no Katachi. It's nothing too much, but it does spoil the overall plot/character development of the main character, so if you want to skip it, feel free to as soon as it's mentioned by Keith!
> 
> Unfortunately, you'll miss a slightly crucial moment between Lance and Keith in regards to opening up about their feelings a bit and bonding by doing that. It's not like you HAVE to read that part, but it does sort of help you understand their inner feelings a little better :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update~

**Me:**

Gooooooood morning Keithers!!! (〃＾▽＾〃)

Don’t forget to take your meds today buddy :O

**Mullet:**

Morning Lance

And thanks :)

 

Lance smiled as he read Keith’s response, tossing his phone beside his pillow before getting out of bed and heading downstairs for breakfast. He could smell the familiar scent of blueberry pancakes, his favorite breakfast food ever since Hunk’s mother entrusted Lance’s family with their recipe (God bless Hunk’s family).

“Morning ma!” Lance exclaimed happily, walking into the kitchen to grab plates and utensils in order to set up the table.

“Morning mijo. Feeling better today?” his mother asked, her voice warm and gentle.

“I’m fine. Full of energy, too!” Lance made it a show to twirl around and strike a pose as he placed the first plate on the dining table. His mom laughed at him, flipping a blueberry pancake onto a short stack of them. 

After setting up the table and helping his mom finish making the pancakes, Lance took his respectful spot at the dining table, picking up a fork to reach for a pancake. His mom slapped his hand away, reminding him to pray over their food first. 

“AMEN,” Lance shouted after rushing through a prayer, his mom shaking her head as he dug into their breakfast.

“Manners, Lancey.”

“Sorry mama.”

As soon as Lance finished eating, he excused himself from the table to run back to his room, changing quickly. He brushed his teeth and washed his face thoroughly, making sure to apply an oil-free moisturizer afterwards. He combed his hair, being careful to gel down any tufts that threatened to stick out the wrong way.

“Mijo! Hurry up so you can take some medicine before going to school! I don’t want your cold to start acting up in the middle of the day because I won’t be able to pick you up,” Lance heard his mom yell from downstairs. He groaned, knowing that meant taking his medicine with water instead of juice or milk. Despite his mom’s confusion (and frustration), Lance’s hatred for taking medicine with water remained the same. It’s too difficult to get pills down with a liquid that doesn’t even have a taste to it. Unfortunately, after brushing teeth, taking medicine with anything but water will end up tasting disgusting. Lance wasn’t about to let himself suffer (anymore than he already sort of did).

He grabbed his backpack, making sure his belongings were shoved inside before zipping it up and stumbling downstairs where his mom was placing a glass of water and a small pill onto the table. Lance downed the pill as best he could with the water, kissed his mom on the cheek, and was walking down the street towards his school in a minute. He hummed to himself, feeling good for a Wednesday. 

He just hoped that his good mood wouldn’t be crushed later on. 

 

* * *

 

Keith was standing at his usual spot in front of the school building, playing with a small rock by his feet before he looked up and noticed Lance jogging towards him. Lance felt his heart thump loudly in his chest when Keith smiled and waved timidly.

“Morning, Moody,” Keith greeted when Lance finally got to him.

“Morning, Mullet. How’re you feeling?” Lance asked as they walked into the building.

“Fine, thanks to you reminding me to take my meds. I don’t think I’ll be running out of class this time. How about you? Your cold’s better?”

“Yup! Getting out of the house yesterday actually really helped. I think I really needed the fresh air because when I got back home, it felt stuffy inside. I kept the window open last night too, actually.”

“Hope you used your blanket then. You could’ve made your cold worse if you got, well, cold,” Keith said worriedly, looking up at Lance with his unique eyes. How the fuck did they look so purple?

“You sound like my mom. But yes, I did use my blanket. Oh, and thanks for telling me what the homework was too. I know I probably could’ve just skipped out on it since I missed classes yesterday anyways, but my mom probably would’ve killed me for falling behind? That might be an over exaggeration but still. I’d prefer not having to run away from an angry Cuban mom.”

Keith huffed out a little laugh, “You’re mom is too nice to be like that.”

“Keith. It’s terrifying. You want to know how I got so good at dodgeball?” Lance shivered dramatically, laughing when Keith pushed him playfully. “No, seriously! I’m a pro!”

“Okay right. Tell me that again after you’ve managed to duck out of the way of a football being thrown at you.”

“Uh, don’t have to? I’m really good at evading footballs being thrown in my direction.”

“Yeah, you scream like a murderer is about to stab you while you stand in place. The most you’ve done as an attempt to get out of the way is lift up a leg. That’s about it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Whatever.”

The two continued to walk to their lockers, shoving their bags inside and pulling out the books and folders needed for their first few classes. They made their way to Hunk’s locker, slightly disappointed that he still hadn’t shown up. 

“ _ At least that gives us a bit of time to hang out together _ ,” Lance thought, turning to Keith, who was tugging at a piece of his hair.

Lance batted Keith’s hand so he’d stop pulling at his hair, making a remark about him going bald early if he kept doing that. If he got punched in the shoulder, well, it was worth it.

A few minutes passed before Hunk arrived, interrupting Lance and Keith’s conversation. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, as Hunk’s presence always made things a little brighter, but… Lance was a little selfish. He liked alone time with Keith, and if he wanted it to be a bit longer, then let the world hate him for being greedy. 

When the first bell rang, Lance and Keith said their quick ‘see-ya-laters’ to Hunk before heading to their first class. More alone time. It was nice. It was always nice.

 

* * *

 

“So, BASICALLY,” Hunk exclaimed, animatedly waving his hands around, “I sent a picture of the dinner I cooked for my mom and momma to Gordon Ramsay on Twitter, and he responded with ‘good job’. HE SAID GOOD JOB.”

It was lunchtime, which meant hanging out with Hunk and Shay,  _ which meant _ being around two beacons of radiance for an entire half an hour. Also, food. Food also made lunchtime good. Scratch that, great.

“Holy shit dude,” Lance stared at his friend in disbelief. Gordon Ramsay?  _ The  _ Gordon Ramsay? Although Lance already believed Hunk could rival the most amazing chefs, he couldn’t help but be shocked that the chef with probably the most refined palate complimented Hunk’s cooking based on looks alone. It really said a lot, as well as meant a lot, about Hunk’s talent. Lance wondered what his own talent was.

“I know right? I can’t believe it either. When I showed my moms, they were really happy. I think momma was crying? It was crazy,” Hunk smiled broadly. Shay placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek, congratulating him.

Lance took a glance at Keith, who sat next to him. He hadn’t said anything yet, but the proud smile he wore on his face said it all. Keith’s smiles always said a lot, since he didn’t smile too often. Lance wasn’t sure when he started being able to read Keith’s facial expressions so easily, but it probably came from staring at him so frequently.

“Hunk, have you ever thought about running your own blog?” Lance asked his friend, who was still flustered by Shay’s sudden peck on the cheek. (She did that a lot though, so it was cute to see Hunk’s reaction every time, despite that.)

“My own blog? Oh, you mean like a food blog or something? Yeah, I guess I have. But I’m not really sure I can handle the pressure…” 

“I think you’d do fine, Hunk,” Keith finally spoke up, “It’s not like a YouTube channel or anything, right? If it were, you’d have to record yourself either cooking or baking to show the process. If it’s just a blog, you can post pictures of your stuff and their recipes. No video cameras necessary.”

“And when did you become so knowledgeable about cooking blogs and YouTube channels?” Lance teased.

Keith only shrugged, “I watch baking videos from time to time. They’re relaxing, and it’s not like I’m ever going to do it myself so.”

“Ha, that last part’s definitely true. You’d probably end up burning whatever you’re making so badly that it’d become unidentifiable.”

Keith shoved at Lance’s shoulder, making him lose balance on the lunch table stool. “Shut up, Lance.”

“I’m still really impressed, Hunk! Oh, and I have this new sweet and salty cookie recipe we could try out. Are you doing anything this weekend?” Shay asked her boyfriend hopefully. 

Lance and Keith shared a look, knowing that even if Hunk had plans for the weekend, he’d immediately cancel them to spend more time with Shay. Lance kept in a laugh when he watched Hunk’s face light up even more (if that were possible) before he responded.

“Nope! Nothing at all! You wanna come over on Saturday to bake?”

Shay nodded excitedly, then looked back over at Lance and Keith, “But what about you two?”

Lance tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“Oh right! If you want, you guys can come over too!” Hunk suggested.

“Actually Hunk,” Keith responded quickly, “We uh… kind of have plans for Saturday. Thanks for the invite anyways.”

Lance felt the heat crawling up the back of his neck and warming the tips of his ears. When Hunk looked at Lance for a response as well, he tensed up. He offered Hunk a small nod and a shaky ‘yeah we’ve got plans’, but cringed under his friend’s suspecting gaze.

Hunk supplied his own slow ‘okay then’ before continuing onto a new conversation topic, sparing Lance’s weak heart. Lance subtly let out a sigh, only then realizing that he was holding his breath. Lance knew he couldn’t hide his feelings for Keith from his best friend forever, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try his goddamn hardest to prevent it from being revealed anytime soon.

 

* * *

 

“So, have you thought of a set plan for this Saturday yet?” Keith asked Lance as they walked out of the school building. The two were heading back to the butt tree, wanting to relax before going home and starting homework, as they were stressed out from the physics lab that required a lot of unnecessarily long tasks that could honestly be done without much preparation at all.

“A plan?” Lance shot Keith a smug look, “Have you begun to underestimate the Great Planner Lance?” Before Keith could reply and kill the joke, Lance cut him off and continued, “I’m just kidding, dude. But yeah, I’ve got a whole schedule planned out for us!”

“Really? What’s on the itinerary?” Keith inquired, only to have a finger waggled in front of his face.

“Ah ah ah, Keithers. Can’t ruin the surprise, can I? So you’re going to have to hang onto your horses and look forward to the weekend,” Lance took a few steps ahead of Keith, spinning back around to walk backwards and shoot the pouting boy fingerguns. 

“But don’t worry, it’s not too crazy or anything. I’ll just say that we’ll spend some time downtown before heading back to my place and doing some more stuff there,” Lance gasped dramatically, “Maybe I can give you a facial and do your nails! I’ve gotta redo the schedule now…”  

Lance laughed when Keith groaned and punched him lightly in the shoulder, complaining about Lance constantly wanting to ‘play dress up’ with him whenever they hung out. Lance couldn’t help it though- after all, if your crush and close friend looked more attractive than a doll, you’d want to see them in various fashion styles, right? Or was that just a weird thing Lance thought about? Whatever. Bottom line, Keith was cute as fuck no matter what he was wearing.

The walk up to the butt tree was quick and comfortable with the flowing conversation between Lance and Keith, and they promptly leaned back against the tree upon arriving to it, both revelling in the beautiful view and the gentle breeze blowing through their hair.

Lance pushed off the tree and stretched, swinging his arms back and forth after he’d done so. He stole a quick glance at Keith, who had his eyes closed and head leaned back, as he let the sun warm his face. His skin glowed yellow in the sun’s light, and his hair shone when the wind blew his bangs from his face. Beautiful. 

When Keith blinked his eyes open, Lance quickly turned away before he could notice him staring, although he could feel eyes focused on the back of his head. 

Lance did his best to regain focus on the pastel, watercolor sky in front of him, feeling a sense of relief when he could no longer sense Keith’s eyes practically burning the back of his neck. He closed his eyes to be in the moment, just as Keith had been, and revelled in the peacefulness he felt. 

Lance wasn’t exactly sure when he had decided to walk back to the tree and take a nap, but about an hour later he had woken up sat next to an also fast asleep Keith, whose head tilted precariously towards Lance’s shoulder. He was also drooling the smallest of bits, so whilst Lance wouldn’t have complained if Keith fell upon his shoulder and used him as a pillow, he also didn’t want his clothes to be drooled on. 

So, Lance gently shook the sleeping boy awake, trying to suppress a smitten smile as he watched Keith rub the sleepiness from his eyes and pull a small strand of hair from the corner of his mouth. Too fricking cute.

“Mornin’,” Keith droned, eyes barely open. He wore a goofy, tired smile that Lance couldn’t ignore, letting out a huff of laughter.

“Technically it’s the afternoon Keefers, but I’ll give you an A for effort,” Lance pushed Keith’s bangs from his eyes when the boy attempted to peer through his hair with blurry, tired eyes. “You should also get your hair cut soon, dude. You’re slowly starting to look like one of those dogs with the shaggy fur in their eyes.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.” 

“Laaance.”

“Alright I’ll stop,” Lance chuckled when Keith promptly attempted to tuck his bangs behind his ears, with no avail. 

“Maybe I should get it cut. Do you think it should be a trim or… y’know, just get it over with? It’s been a long time since I did that but…,” Keith’s voice trailed off, unsure.

“A trim would be fine I think,” Lance quickly answered, “If you’re still hesitating on getting it cut short. Besides, I won’t be able to call you Mullet anymore if you made the drastic change!”

Keith chuckled, a hand instinctively running through his tousled hair. There were a few reasons as to why Lance preferred Keith’s long hair over getting a new short hairstyle:

  1. Lance had admittedly always liked Keith’s hair. Sure, he made fun of it often for being unruly and messy at times, but the fantasy of running his fingers through Keith’s locks to untangle them was too tempting, and it would be somewhat disappointing if Keith didn’t have long enough hair for Lance to play with. Braiding it would be nice too.
  2. It would kill Lance. Keith with short hair would absolutely, fucking. Kill. Lance. How was he supposed to handle the change? Actually being able to see the back of Keith’s neck? That’s like being shot with an arrow through the heart (which technically was the case- with Cupid’s arrow and such). Being able to see Keith’s eyes clearly? Nope. No, Lance would combust into flames. 
  3. Keith would have too many eyes staring at him, and Lance knew he’d hate it. He’d hate the fact that Keith’s attractiveness would only be known to others with his new hair style. But Lance knew that Keith was, and always has been beautiful, inside and out. Those people not recognizing that were fucking stupid.



“I’ll think about it I guess,” Keith mused, “A change could be nice, but I do like putting my hair in a ponytail. Also, even if you couldn’t call me ‘Mullet’ anymore, there are other nicknames you could call me.”

Lance raised an eyebrow at this, “An example?”

Keith paused and looked at the ground, sleepiness still greatly affecting his train of thought. However, when Keith looked back Lance with tired eyes and a cute pout, there was no denying the blush that tinged his cheeks in the vibrant yellow sunlight. 

“You call me Keithers. And Keithy boy, and Keef, and Keefers,” Keith’s voice trailed off at the end, “I like that one the best.”

_ Fuck.  _

“Oh.”

__ _ Fucking fuck. _

Well, screw the lame excuses Lance made about not wanting Keith to cut his hair short. If it meant being able to call him “Keefers” everyday, then Keith could give himself an ugly ass buzzcut for all Lance cared. 

“It’s still your decision, dude. I’m not gunna dictate what you should do with your hair, so I’ll support whatever you end up going with. You’ll still be Keith anyways.” _ You’ll still be cute anyways. _

Keith hummed in agreement, closing his eyes once more and leaning back into the trunk of the tree, “D’you think… D’you think that Ishida actually got with Nishimiya in the end?”

“Ishida?... Ohhhh, you’re talking about Koe no Katachi!” Lance exclaimed excitedly.

“You read it then?”

“Yeah. It was really good; I think I actually cried a few times?” Keith scrunched up his eyebrows in thought, “Yeah I definitely did. Their relationship was well developed, and everyone around them played an important role too. And while I hate open-ended endings to stories, they did this one well. I’m still upset we never got to see what happened between the two but, it’s nice imagining what could’ve happened after the final panel.”

“Woah. Yeah, holy shit dude. You summed it all up pretty well! And I like to imagine that they eventually meet back up again in the future, start a relationship, and maybe even get married. Man, that’d be cute.”

“Mhmm. Is the movie the same?”

“Well, actually… It does leave out a lot of development of the side characters, and the ending is changed too. It’s mainly focused on Ishida’s journey and shit, and kind of ends when he finally accepts everything and lets himself look up and listen to everyone talking again. When he opens himself up again,” Lance stole a glance at Keith, freezing when he saw that the boy’s eyes were open and staring right back at him.

They held eye contact before Lance continued with a soft smile, “I can sort of relate to him.”

When Keith didn’t respond, Lance kept on going, “I mean, Ishida didn’t open up about his feelings to anyone for such a long time, it became destructive and he nearly ended it all. He only began to open up to others when he met with the person he used to see in a completely different color before. He had hated Nishimiya because he didn’t understand her, but after a while, he started learning more about her and she managed to change his life for the better. She basically saved him.”

Lance could feel the butterflies flittering around in his chest and stomach as he looked into Keith’s eyes, getting lost in the galaxies held within them. His smile grew even fonder, and he didn’t bother to try and hide his emotions. He was too caught up in the moment, and it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the boy right in front of him.

“If that’s the case, then I can relate to Ishida too,” Keith finally spoke. 

“Ishida had done his best to try and block out all the noise and avoid other people. He knew that others were probably talking about him behind his back because of the rumours and gossip that spread around because of his past, but he continued to put up walls and told himself that they were pretenders and hypocrites, even though he hated himself as well. When he met Nishimiya, Ishida was finally able to uncover his ears and face the world as it is. She helped him find purpose in life, and helped him to accept that everyone has flaws, including himself, and that he can’t suddenly make everything perfect. She helped him find happiness.”

Keith’s eyes were soft, and blinked a couple times while retaining direct eye contact with Lance. If Lance wasn’t imagining things, they had inched slightly closer to each other, as he could see the small freckles of purple in Keith’s eyes even more properly. The moment felt long, sitting with their faces merely inches apart, underneath the old oak tree, sunlight gracing them through the tree’s leaves, sparkling like fairy lights dancing on their laps. And like fairies, the moment was also magical.

They two had only moved apart when Keith finally broke eye contact, looking down to see what little space really remained between them. They both stood, deciding that it was about time for them to head back down the hill and head home to complete the few homework assignments that they had. 

When they arrived at the small neighborhood in which they’d go their separate ways, Lance gave Keith a timid wave good-bye, smiling broadly when it was returned with an equally shy one. Before continuing to walk down his street, Lance watched Keith as he left, biting his tongue in order not to say the words resting upon the tip of it. 

When Keith was far enough away, Lance decided to mouth the words to his retreating figure.

_ ‘I love you.’ _

* * *

 

 

**Hunkalicious:**

Hey dude, I just wanted to ask if uh

Are things alright with you?

You’ve been acting really weird recently

ESPECIALLY around Keith

Did something happen between you two?? I hope you didn’t get into a fight with each other

 

“Shiiiiiiiit,” Lance hissed beneath his breath upon reading the text messages from Hunk. Sure, Lance already knew that Hunk would eventually catch onto the fact the something was up with him, but he didn’t expect Hunk to ask him about it this quickly. It just went to show how obvious Lance was as well, which wasn’t exactly comforting.

__ _ Fuck it. Better tell him now, rather than later. _

 

**Me:**

Yeah I’m good Hunk

Just

Goin’ through some feels

**Hunkalicious:**

Feels?

Like what

Bad feels or good feels??

Or girl feels

**Me:**

What if I told you

Boy feels

**Hunkalicious:**

Oooohhhhh this hasn’t happened in a while

Wait

But girl feels hasn’t happened in a long time too

Wait

Dude

**Me:**

You putting the pieces together buddy?

**Hunkalicious:**

Wait omg dude

Do you???

Wait cuz you’re always acting weird around Keith

Wait 

WAIT

**Me:**

Oh cool you figured it out

**Hunkalicious:**

BRO FOR REAL??????

LIKE YOU’RE NOT JOKING

OH MY GOSH YOU’RE NOT JOKING

I think I’m gunna cry… 

**Me:**

Woah chill out m'buddy 

**Hunkalicious:**

Too late bro… the waterworks have already started

And don’t you DARE tell me this isn’t a big deal!!!

Because all I have to do is think back a year or so to when you guys were both at each other’s throats 

This is a REALLY BIG DEAL

You actually like Keith ohhhh my goood

**Me:**

Aight Hunk I get it

I like Keith OH WOW NO ONE SAW IT COMING NOT EVEN MYSELF WOOOOAH

**Hunkalicious:**

Okay well you don’t have to get all sarcastic with me… 

**Me:**

Sorry buddy

I don’t even know what to do with these shitty feelings

This sucks man

**Hunkalicious:**

Woah woah hold on

‘Shitty feelings’??? Bro they’re not shitty

And this doesn’t suck either. You’re allowed to like someone, even Keith

**Me:**

I know but I just

I never expected it to be him y’know?

**Hunkalicious:**

How long have you liked him?

**Me:**

Uhhhhh

Well I didn’t know I liked him until like

The end of freshman year?

I think I started liking him before that though

Cuz when I think back on it

I really enjoyed hanging out with him when we started talking to each other like friends

**Hunkalicious:**

Ohhhh I got you

Yeah, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure you had already begun crushing on him since you settled your differences sometime after that senior’s party

Aw mannnn it was so obvious back then too why didn’t I ever realize it

**Me:**

DHL aSKDeF JADK HUNK

**Hunkalicious:**

What?

Just sayin’ it as I sees it

**Me:**

Don’t

Anyways

Help me

**Hunkalicious:**

With what?

Your feelings or getting with him?

**Me:**

H U N K

**Hunkalicious:**

Don’t you want to? Y’know, get with him

Or is this a friends with benefits thing

I’ll be a little concerned about it if that’s the case cuz

I know how you are dude with your insecurities and stuff

That wouldn’t be healthy for you since it’d be more like a coping mechanism

An unhealthy coping mechanism

**Me:**

Nah don’t worry dude

It’s not that

I grew up Catholic too bro- ma would kill me if she ever found out I was in a relationship like that

**Hunkalicious:**

Ohh yeah that’s also true

But do you?

Want to date him

**Me:**

… 

It seems like a stretch

**Hunkalicious:**

What do you mean?

**Me:**

Like

Getting with him

Dating Keith

It doesn’t sound

Idk

Possible?

Yeah

**Hunkalicious:**

Oh bro… 

It’s totally possible

Wait

Let me ask you this

How do you feel about him?

**Me:**

What?

**Hunkalicious:**

What do you like and feel about Keith? 

Or how does Keith make you feel?

 

Lance stared at the two questions, many things rushing into his mind at once.

_ He’s kind. He’s sweet. He’s cute and understanding. He’s a little awkward in social situations, but when he talks about something he’s passionate about, he gets really excited and his eyes light up. His smile is as addicting as his laugh. He always tugs at his hair as a nervous tick, but it’s still cute and makes me wonder what it’d feel like to run my fingers through his hair and unknot all of his tangles because he forgets to brush his hair sometimes. _

_ He makes me feel comfortable. Every conversation with him flows easily and is enjoyable because his voice is so soothing. When he talks about something serious or something that upsets him, his voice gets soft and sort of gravely, but it’s still beautiful to listen to. Every minute with him is dangerous, because my heart beats so rapidly I could die from a goddamn heart attack. Everything feels like a rush, and if he were to stare at me with his fucking purple eyes any longer than 30 seconds, I’m nearly positive I’d combust.  _

_ I never have to worry when expressing my problems with him, because he listens attentively and assures me when I’m afraid. He doesn’t judge me or laugh at me for being afraid of my own vomit. He rubs my back and tells me that I’ll be alright. If I don’t want to say a word, he’ll sit quietly next to me and nudge me with his pinky as reassurance. Everything always feels so comfortable and warm and soft and happy and positive when I’m around him, and I’m not sure I can feel this way with anyone else. _

It didn’t take Lance more than a few seconds to realize that warm tears had formed in his eyes and were streaming down his cheeks, plopping silently onto his phone. He loved Keith. And there was no trace of doubt in his mind that saying those three words out loud would kill him.

It also didn’t take Lance long to realize that he had sent all of those thoughts to Hunk in one long paragraph of text, and he immediately flushed red of embarrassment, wiping away his tears. Lance knew that Hunk was also understanding, as his best friend should be, and wouldn’t laugh or judge him for ranting a full on list of reasons for liking Keith.

If anything, Hunk would probably be crying while reading the test as well, since he took everything Lance vented about incredibly seriously, no matter how immature the matter at hand may be. Hell, Hunk had listened to Lance bitch about his ex, Nyma, and how she was being unfaithful, despite everyone else (including Hunk) warning him about her and how getting into a relationship with her would be a bad decision.

So when Hunk’s text message came back a mess of random letters, Lance could only smile and laugh.

 

**Hunkalicious:**

HNAGSHHASJ BRO

I CANT

IM CRYUNG SP MYCH DUDE

YOIYAVE NOI DEA

**Me:**

Y’know I think I have a bit of a clue

Based on your mistypes alone lol

**Hunkalicious:**

HFA;SFJWEOIJ DONT 

Dude that’s so sweet… 

You’ve never spoken this highly about any of your previous exes when you were going out with them

All you would compliment about them were their looks typically

And sometimes the gifts they gave you but

You’ve never sounded to genuine and heartfelt about how you felt about them like this… 

**Me:**

Really?

Not even with Loma?

**Hunkalicious:**

Nah

I mean, you and Plaxum were close but it always seemed more friendly rather than

Soulmates or something

You and Paloma still talk right? Oh and does she still go by her nickname ‘Plaxum’??

**Me:**

Yeah we do

We actually have a pretty good streak going on snapchat lol

And yeah, she does~ Even though Paloma honestly sounds prettier heh

I think she’s going out with Florona now actually?? I’m happy for them! They seem really happy together

**Hunkalicious:**

Awww that’s nice~

Especially since Florona moved away

Long distance huh? Shay and I went through that for a little while before she moved back to town to stay with her aunt and uncle

It’s nice to see long distance relationships work out

**Me:**

Yup

**Hunkalicious:**

But anyways

Let’s get back to the main topic on hand

You and Keith

**Me:**

Damn

I was hoping to get you off topic so we don’t have to talk about this

**Hunkalicious:**

Welllllp

You can’t keep something from me for too long buddy

**Me:**

Yeah I knowww

**Hunkalicious:**

Anywayssss

What do you want to do about this? Like, about your feelings?

Because I’m honestly pretty sure Keith likes you too dude

**Me:**

… 

What?

**Hunkalicious:**

???

**Me:**

What are you talking about Hunk

There’s no way

**Hunkalicious:**

Why must you do this to yourself

**Me:**

Do what?

**Hunkalicious:**

You always put yourself down in situations you think are impossible when there’s still a chance

**Me:**

I don’t see how there’s a chance?

**Hunkalicious:**

UGHHHHHHHH

Okay where do I start

Have you seen the way Keith looks at you in comparison to everyone else?

His eyes are always softer looking and brighter

Like, when we have the same class and you’re not there

He’s still kind of happy and stuff when we talk but 

When we head to our next class with you in it, his mood just gets so much better

It’s like you light up the room just by being in it

And how he talks to you

The tone in his voice is gentle and anyone can tell there’s meaning behind the way he laughs when you crack a joke

It sounds different compared to when Pidge or someone else makes him laugh

It’s like he tries to make his laugh sound cuter around you

Either that or he just acts cuter around you because of how lovestruck he is around you too

I hate that I’m only realizing these things now since I’m thinking about it

But dude, if you think hard enough about it too, you can tell that there’s something there

Keith is always different when it comes to you

He always changes because of you

**Me:**

… 

I guess so

Yeah

Yeah I guess

**Hunkalicious:**

You guys said you had plans for Saturday right?

**Me:**

Yeah?

It’s not like a date or anything though dude

**Hunkalicious:**

Yeah I know but

Why don’t you

Try and test it out?

Y’know

Right now we’re theorizing that Keith feels the same way (though he toootally does)

So why don’t you try and test the waters a little bit? See how he reacts to certain moves or subtle advances you make

Don’t push it or anything but

See if there’s any reaction to you making ‘accidental contact’ or complimenting him or whatever

**Me:**

You’re making this sound like an experiment lol

**Hunkalicious:**

I meannnnn

I wouldn’t call it an experiment but

Dude, nothing’s going to happen if you just sit around

Someone has to make the first step

And if that’s gotta be you

Then it’s gotta be you

If anything negative happens, I’m right here as a shoulder to lean on

I’m your support system dude

But I doubt you’ll need me for that anyways, since Keith is well

Keith

And he likes you

**Me:**

Huuunk

**Hunkalicious:**

I know I know

You don’t believe me

YET

That’s why I’m sayingggg

Just try it out

Test a few limits to just friendship

Dip your toes into the ‘relationship zone’ pool

But don’t dive into it unless you have a death wish

**Me:**

I got it Hunk

Um… 

Thanks

For helping me out

With this

Ugh it’s so hard to talk about

**Hunkalicious:**

I’ve got your back buddy :)

**Me:**

Thanks bro (*＾v＾*)

You’re the best Hunk

**Hunkalicious:**

I knowwwww~

Now go and rest my child

It’s like

Oh crud it’s already 11:24 you should sleep dude

**Me:**

Hunk you know me

I’ve slept MUCH later than this

**Hunkalicious:**

Yeah but

We still have school tomorrow

**Me:**

Yeahhhh I knowwww buttttttt

**Hunkalicious:**

Lance

Sleep

**Me:**

Okay I will

Night Hunkalicious ;)

**Hunkalicious:**

Lol

Night Lance ^^

 

Lance shut his phone off and tossed it to the side, flopping backwards onto his pillow. He still felt warm from talking about his feelings for Keith, and his heart was racing a little faster than usual. It wasn’t exactly a bad feeling, but it was a little weird and foreign still, since  _ Keith _ was the reason for all this.

Keith. Fucking.  _ Keith _ . Of course.

Lance rolled over onto his side, gripping at his blanket while he contemplated the chances of Keith reciprocating his feelings. Hunk sounded convincing, since Lance could pick out a few moments in which Keith did act significantly different around him, in a good way. A very good way.

As Lance closed his eyes and let himself slowly drift off to sleep, he thought about his plans for Saturday, making slight revisions in certain activities so that he could ‘test out a few things’ as Hunk had suggested.

The last thought Lance could remember to cross his mind before falling asleep was that Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Happier! I really enjoyed writing this chapter because of the fluffier scenes, and I especially liked writing the text messages between Lance and Hunk ^^ 
> 
> Also, yes, I gave Plaxum a more realistic name. At least Paloma is a real name; if you were to meet someone named Plaxum in real life, I'm pretty sure we'd consider it a little odd haha :)
> 
> I started writing this fic because of wanting a way to expel my own negativity through something creative and productive, but as I started writing it, I realized that I also didn't want the entire thing to be depressing and negative. Because, well, that wouldn't be very realistic, would it? 
> 
> Sure, there are low times in our lives, but there are also those good moments that we treasure. I want this story to be able to properly express that through Lance and Keith, and this chapter through Lance's perspective, I think, is a good example of the good moments in life. The ones we're grateful for. The ones we look back out and may be a little embarrassed, but at the same time, we know that they helped progress us to where we stand currently.
> 
> Look at me being all poetic, haha. Anyways, I really hope you all liked this chapter, even if it were a break from the more dramatic stuff! The next chapter may not come for a while though, since I'm back to school (it really sucks) and I don't exactly have a lot of free time to write or do any of my other hobbies. Hopefully, this can satisfy you until the 'date' from Keith's perspective~
> 
> Have a good day/night and stay safe!!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time writing something like this, but I really enjoy it! Writing mature themes is actually easier for me, and I'm actually self-projecting quite a bit in this work. I also really like certain characterizations for all of the characters, so I did my best to portray them effectively! This might end up being a lot longer than I intend it to be, but we'll just have to see.
> 
>  
> 
> Links:  
> Tumblr (Main): [http://lucid--dreamer.tumblr.com/](url)  
> Tumblr (Klance/Vld): [http://space--ranger--partners.tumblr.com/](url)


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